Playwriting: Mythologizing me like I do you

September 2, 2015

Mythologizing me like I do you

The Zig Zag Festival at Annex Theatre, 2015

Synopsis

Three friends venture into the supernatural realm to vanquish the ghost of an ex-lover using the 1990s board game Dream Phone.

On format/punctuation

Lines are to be spoken quickly in a familiar conversational dialogue. Interruptions and overlaps

are indicated by a lack of punctuation at the end of the previous line. “Silence” is a pause that

should create a moment distinct from the rapid-fire. Lines spoken “w/” another character are

started simultaneously.

Characters

DANA – they/them, mid-20s, friend and coworker of Kaleen, dated Sydney

KALEEN – she/her, mid-20s, short temper, Elliott’s college friend

ELLIOTT – they/them, mid- to late-20s, actor, in a long-term relationship with Sam

SYDNEY – they/them, any age, dated Dana for a hot minute

VOICE (from Pink Phone) – they/them, any age, fluctuates between robotic and personable

Lights up on DANA and KALEEN in DANA’S living room. DANA is sitting at a card table.

KALEEN is humming and chanting, walking around the perimeter of the room and

distributing a few wrapped candies like Starbursts or Smarties tubes or Pixie Stix. They

have a copy of the 1990s game DREAM PHONE sitting on the table, open, but the game pieces are in disarray–cards, pink phone, gamepads, pencils. They’re drinking from a 6-pack of beer and waiting for ELLIOTT to arrive.

DANA

I’d forgotten about Smarties.

KALEEN

You were telling me what you’ve been seeing recently

DANA

picking up a picture card

Is this part of the ceremony? These aren’t even real phone numbers. And this phone doesn’t even connect.

KALEEN

stops distributing candies

Yes, I promise. Tell me about that one time last week. Was that real?

DANA

Yes. I think so. But it’s so random, because Sydney’s always on my mind. My control has vanished.

KALEEN resumes distributing candies and finishes up during the following speech, returning to sit at the table.

Like today, I’m standing at the crosswalk and I see the glasses, the angle of the head checking both directions before crossing, and I remember the murmurs of affirmation or the laugh or the quizzical look and I know it’s Sydney. It has to be. Then the person at the crosswalk and I start walking toward each other and I look closer and it’s totally not. It’s definitely not Sydney. And now we’re making eye contact and it’s weird because that person and I do not know each other. Not even a little bit. So we stare, but can’t say hi, and then it’s awkward. And I just want it all to be over.

KALEEN

That’s progress. It’s not always Sydney

DANA

Doesn’t feel like progress! I’m still always thinking about how we were and how it ended and how I have to goddamn interact with them at work all the time and how can I move on when

KALEEN

The ceremony will solve all of this. I swear.

DANA

I just don’t know about the ceremony. Dream Phone? Seems like overkill. Just because of a few bad dates.

KALEEN

It’s not just the bad dates. It’s so much more than that. I know. You’ll feel better once Elliott gets here and we get everything set up.

Silence.

DANA

Do you think Elliott’s upset?

KALEEN

About what? About driving all the way out here? Why? It’s so scenic.

DANA

You snored.

You were snoring.

KALEEN

Was not.

DANA

Was too.

KALEEN

I was not snoring! I was breathing deeply.

DANA

How would you even know that? You were asleep. We shouldn’t have sat so close to the stage.

You were loud.

KALEEN

It’s not my fault that guy sounded exactly like Jeff Bridges! You know I’ve been listening to those tapes.

DANA

You were snoring.

KALEEN

I bet Elliott won’t even say anything about it.

DANA

I dunno.

KALEEN

We sat exactly where we should have, to support our friend.

DANA

Your friend.

KALEEN

For the purposes of the ghost banishing ceremony in the form of a 1990s girly board game, Elliott is your motherfucking BFF. Otherwise, you’re screwed.

DANA

BFF? Doesn’t that seem like that’s

A knock on the door.

KALEEN

If you say overkill, so help me come on in! Door’s open.

DANA

Did you not lock my door earlier

ELLIOTT enters with a bottle of whiskey.

ELLIOTT

Hello! I brought whiskey.

~~~

Contact me to read a complete version of the script.

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