Spin the Bottle – March Smut

Last night at Annex Theatre, I read my first original smut at Spin the Bottle. It was exhilarating, nervous-making, and tremendously wonderful. Bret Fetzer, producer, prompted me to write my story about Emerald City Comic Con (this weekend, in Seattle!). I was inspired by several things: a former raver roommate who would dress up as a Unicorn, the lack of lesbian sex in the smut I’d seen at StB, and threesomes.

As I began writing, a new story emerged that I hadn’t originally thought of. I’d love to share it with you all. Warning, it is graphic! Also, I will post photos of the event as soon as I can.

As John caressed Sherlock’s majestic cheekbone, he realized this was the only man he could ever love. “Your cheekbones could cut glass. Like a unicorn’s horn pierces the heart of its enemies.” Sherlock stared longingly into John’s visage with his chocolate brown eyes for a lingering moment as he whispered, “Oh Johnny, unicorns aren’t real, but I love you so much that I don’t care.” Then he smashed their lips together, letting their tongues dance about like epees.

I asked Billie what she thought of my story, and she said it was a rough start and that no one will even know what an epee is.

Billie tries, she does. She’s a good girlfriend. She tries hard to care about my attempts to write Sherlock erotica, but usually she’s really more concerned with the next time we can make it to Taco Tuesday and Comic Con. Billie is obsessed with the Emerald City Comic Con. The lines to get in are long but I go with her anyway because I love her so much. Means I had better enjoy it.

So when Billie was getting ready for the big weekend by wearing the costume of her most favorite character ever: the Tenth Doctor—yeah, I know, weird, right? Because her name is Billie. Like Billie Piper. You know, the first companion from the reboot. It’s all total coincidence. Billie didn’t join the show until 2005 so her parents must be like, psychic or something. I mean, Billie’s parents. Not the Mr. and Mrs. Piper. Well, they might be psychic too. You never know.

Billie and I were getting ready to go to Comic Con, her as the Tenth Doctor, and me dressed up as her companion. She said I didn’t have to go as Rose (indicating hair color), that I could choose to be any companion I want, or I could even be a sexy TARDIS. Except I couldn’t remember what the TARDIS is and if it can be sexy or not. Billie said I should try wearing a sparkly blue tank top and a hot mini skirt, except I don’t own a hot mini skirt and that just felt so Kappa Kappa Gamma, circa 2002. But I really wanted to make an effort into finding a really good costume for Comic Con because Billie made me a promise. If went to Comic Con, she would find me a Unicorn.

Spoiler: We found Her.

Oh, not a real unicorn. I mean, a Dan-Savage-defined-you’re-never-gonna-find-one-for-that-perfect-threesome-Unicorn. A beautiful, bisexual (well, in our case, lesbian), sexually liberated, young, single, well-adjusted woman who breezes into town for just the weekend and fucks the shit out of you and then departs into the mist, never to be seen again.

Billie and I had talked about having a third in our relationship for some time, and we always knew that Number Three couldn’t be permanent. But how do you find someone who’s not permanent but still cool? Comic Con!

At Comic Con, Billie looked dapper as fuck in her trench coat and brown suit. Her hair was spiked perfectly, like she’d just fallen out of the year 500,000. I found a short, tight mini skirt and borrowed a low-cut tank top. I wore a sign around my neck that Billie made for me that said “POLICE BOX.” Everyone loved us! Some people even told me that there’s an episode where the Doctor falls in love with his TARDIS, which I didn’t even know about so that made it extra special for me.

At the end of the day, we found out about the burlesque show that night. We were already on the hunt to see some titties, so we decided to go. The show was amazing. There were all sorts of themed costumes and fun, loud music. Some of the girls even walked around in the audience, dancing on laps. And after about four acts, we saw Her.

The Unicorn. Aglow in white short shorts, a very low white tank top, and her blue lace bra peeking out, she shined in purple and silver shimmer. Her hair was dyed various shades of purple and magenta and on top of her head was a long white dildo as her horn. Everyone in the room went wild for her, and she wasn’t even naked yet! She began by unzipping her long white gogo boots and tossing them to the side. She bent over to wag her long, white horse tail at us, while also displaying her amazing ass and legs encased in white fishnet stockings. Then she stood up, turned around, and began to dance the pony (naturally) as she slid down her tank top straps. With one swift unhooking in the back, her top was off. Her breasts bounced magnificently in their blue bra as the music got louder. Then she slowed down her movements, undulating her hips. The short shorts were coming off.

The Unicorn’s hips swiveling in a circle, Billie grasped my hand and kissed me on the neck. I felt my pussy lips moisten and shifted around in my seat, feeling how wet I was getting just by watching this show. I put my arm around Billie as the Unicorn revealed her hot purple lacy panties. She tossed away the shorts and stepped down the stairs of the stage, into the audience. The spot light followed her and we looked at her eagerly. We were begging her to come by, sitting on the aisle, anticipating her arrival.

She was getting closer. Billie opened her trench coat and sat with her legs spread. The Unicorn met her invitation and sat on her lap. She continued to dance on Billie, letting her breasts hang near Billie’s face. I squealed, and the Unicorn smiled at me. Then she stood up, turned her back to Billie, and reached her hand behind her back. She was going to unhook her bra! We were going to get to see her large, beautiful… Oh. She unhooked her bra but clasped it to her chest. She continued to dance, left Billie and me, and thrust her hips toward other people in the audience.

Once she was back on the stage, everyone was hooting and hollering for her bra. I couldn’t tell if they wanted to touch it or wanted to see her boobs. I knew what I wanted. She turned, shaking her tail from side to side. She tossed the bra behind her then moved her hands to her hips. She slid the panties over her tail and pulled them down with her stockings. Her ass cheeks glowed in the lights, bouncing in rhythm with the music. My nipples were hard.

The Unicorn was standing nearly naked in a pool of light, but her back was still to us. She looked coyly over her shoulder, turned. Clad only in a glitter thong, tail, and purple pasties, she shimmied toward us. The crowd was wild.

The music changed. Not stopping, she came out into the aisle again. The music was more sensual. I couldn’t imagine what would happen next and didn’t believe my eyes when she came back to Billie and me. Shaking her pasties at us, she placed Billie’s hands on that magnificent ass. Billie slapped her and she neighed. I slapped her and she neighed! She leaned over Billie and stared me straight in the eyes. Then she whispered in my ear, “Do you want me?”

How could she tell? Were we that obvious? Of course we wanted her! She turned around for one more slap then neighed and hopped off to another audience member. She danced sensually on them, then returned once more to the stage for her final pose. She grabbed her dildo horn off of her head, ran it over her body, then brought it to her mouth just as the lights went out. The audience was hollering and bouncing in their seats with joy. I couldn’t believe what just happened.

The lights came up for intermission. Billie and I were in a daze, holding each other’s hands tightly. I was covered in goose bumps. We started to move toward the bar and there she was. The Unicorn, without her horn, wrapped in a silk robe. She looked even more magnificent walking among us. Billie waved shyly at her and she came over. We told her how much we loved her act, and then she dropped it on us. She was visiting, from Portland. She was leaving town after the weekend. She had a hotel room at the Convention. And she wanted to invite us back to her hotel room for drinks.

I will never forget that night. The three-way cunnilingus, the rimming, working my way closer to fisting Billie. It was intimate and adventurous all at the same time. Billie and I still talk about it when we’re making love to each other. And with me as Buffy, it’ll make a great dirty story.

Categorized in: Live Performance